The Circle of Life

As quickly as I typed the last blog entry, there was a sudden change in life's plan for our family. Little did I know that a single phone call later that night (Friday December 18th) would change my life. A very shocking and unexpected phone call came from home saying that my Dad had a stroke and was in the hospital with severe brain injury. It seemed like seconds after hearing those words on the phone, my world became a blurry mess.

We made flight bookings, packed our bags, got to Chicago to file Sophia's passport and flew out to Malaysia. The entire journey from beginning to end felt like one big nightmare and it came with so many roadblocks and challenges of its own. Somehow, by God's grace, we arrived in Malaysia on Christmas eve.

I will never forget the emotions I felt when I stepped into the hospital and never forget the sight of my Dad just laying there on the hospital bed - unconscious and on a breathing tube. I've never seen him so thin, unshaved for days, and just laying still. Words could not come out of me. Only tears. He had spent a beautiful 5 weeks with our family and now, only a week after returning home, this had happened. Unbelievable. Speechless.

Tired and fatigued, everything seemed like a fog to me. Long story short....5 hours after seeing him, he passed away on Christmas morning, slightly after midnight. I cannot even describe the emptiness I felt for days since that day. Christmas will never be the same for me. Christmas will always remind me of my Dad. Christmas day will be a reminder to so many people, of who my Dad was and all the wonderful memories we have of him.

People say that I just need to take one day at a time and let myself grieve and be patient. I feel that I can only take one step at a time. There are places in my home that are hard for me to go to, particularly the basement where my Dad slept and played with the kids a lot. Sometimes I smile to myself, thinking of how precious the time my Dad spent with us. Sometimes, I cannot help but feel sorrow and gloomy - where I don't even feel like talking to anyone. It's just strange. Never thought I would even be like this. The circle of life is interesting. We know that people are born into this world....people come and go from our lives. You anticipate that it's going to happen at some point, but when it does, you're never really prepared for it.

Life is precious. One minute we're here and the next minute, we're gone. We're like the grass of the field. I suppose, life has to go on. So much to be thankful for. So many memories to hold on to. So many lessons to be learned.

I hope my next blog article isn't too deep. I must keep blogging about the family as this will help us to move on. Thank you for all your prayers and support during the past month. The amount of cards and phone calls have been overwhelming and yet so filled with love. Thank you.